A damn good Saturday
Read while Listening.
Last night was my brain-damaged friend’s, 18th birthday. The brain damage is debatable but the man has been through five something concussions so if he does some dumb things every now and again it’s to be expected. I love you J.
Now, Saturday June 9th was far from one of those dumb nights we expect from J. To be honest, it was pretty f*&king extraordinary, extra-ordinary because I have never seen a group of people go so hard or do so many stupid things just to be polite in an attempt to keep up with the man of the house.
I showed up at eight O clock with my buddy Lockie, as we entered the house proceeding into the kitchen we were greeted by the boys: H cock-smoker Sagli, Q cant-get-with-Melinda Johnson and B made-Ashley-fat Anderson. Here, we formed the team of close-knit bro’s who promised to keep things in-line while J is getting stupidly wasted. Unfortunately, our resolution died as did our sobriety and we began drinking our faces off.
And so… we put it all out on the tables and were faced with an overwhelming table of alcohol. I took the initiative to start us off and I felt pretty good about beer bonging a tall-tall boy, as did the rest of the team. Little did I know I was about to be emasculated by Jake as he filled up the beer bong with just over an estimated six Oz of vodka? Within ten minutes I was feeling a bit tipsy I can’t even imagine what J was feeling but he was looking pretty good and backward.
I feel a little sorry for the guests who arrived sometime after nine with our lady friends who were repping some disagreeable Mexican shirts. I can’t lie they looked a little out of place… and they were sober which wasn’t so chill. But soon enough J cracked his enormous three-liter bottle of white-rum and these timid ladies got a little promiscuous, as did the party. This fine Latino was walking around in a bathing suit and for a moment I thought that maybe I was at a Mexican party and for a moment my lady friends didn’t seem so out of place but I concluded that this might have just been a stammer in thought caused by my delicious bong-rip.
Finally, the world through my eyes was a satisfying blur of confusion that some-how made sense to me, all the while bringing a smile to my face. I left the house and met up with my friend Carly and I think she pushed me out of her car at some-point, because I sustained a cut on my hand after falling on to the pavement, maybe I jumped hahaha. I ran into father just after I stood up and I made fun of him for showing up on J’s mother behalf.
All this felt so random to me, Carly, my Dad, hot Latino-chick? I had a good laugh at it all and went back to the party! I must have only been gone half an hour but when I returned my good friend and co-worked Kane had arrived and may or may not have pursued a three-some with this slutty girl named Jennifer! Okay that might have been a little harsh I meant my *friend* Jennifer. That was pretty cool of K. This shit-head Cam was next level drunk and passing out yet still managing to make a few of his hilarious jokes. J was now laying on the toilet puking slowly yet surly making some gnarly growling noises, simultaneously he was getting some action from Danielle this gorgeous Greek woman well he could have been at least! There is a certain amount of respect we must give to any man who gets that opportunity after all, every male in our friend group is out to dip there pecker in a little souvlaki; after all Danielle is our utility woman, whatever that means.
I think H tried to fight me, but that was a given. Hahaha but maybe not he might have been trying to get in his woman’s pants, wait that’s not right, he was trying to get into his woman’s heart because I think the horny bastard might actually have feelings for a Canadian girl, I didn’t think you could tame H I thought he was more manly then that maybe there is a Bitch in the most manly of men…
In a drunken stupor I witnessed my friends hot-tubing with a Latino chick, pursuing three-somes, dancing like dumbasses, feelings I never new could exist and my best friend Jake passed the fuck out over a toilet seat with Lady Greek. Now that was a good enough conclusion for me.
Congratulations to J for making it past 12 🙂
I would like to give a shout out to my buddy Lockie for providing some traffic via his presence on sound cloud. Check out his latest tunes at http://soundcloud.com/lockiepeds